Balance

I don't know if I will ever find inner balance. As someone that researches the eosteric in his free time I have read in astrology books that I am a cancer/leo cusp (technically I am a leo but not by much so I just say that I am a cusp), water and fire, introvert and extrovert, hermit the homebody and sociable chris. A big dichotomy rolled into one human flesh that can barely keep the conflicting traits from totally ruining my life. I use to think I was bi-polar but that is not true-- no great highs followed by great lows --no not me. I also knew this was true after dating someone who is bi-polar. I am ADD. Now that is true and it is a scientific explanation that to me explains the esoteric reason but knowing what you are, knowing who you are, and what you do is not really finding balance. I need balance between my desire to be a complete hermit that loses himself in himself and a person that needs to interact with friends and people and loves to chat and have fun (not saying that you can't have fun as a hermit but it is a different kind of fun.) The fun I have as a hermit is selfish fun, and too much hermit time is self destructive and isolating.
I use to think that meditation would help in finding that inner balance but being ADD, meditation is like telling a 10 year old to watch educational television when the cartoon newtwork is just a click away. If you don't believe it I have nephews try it, it doesn't work. I do find that meditation works at the whole psychic thing, if you meditate more you calm and quiet the mind which allows room for the small inner voices that help you to actually have a chance at being heard. Enough rambling. bye for now