probably the last blog for right now because i am tired

I feel like I am fucking pretending and I am sick of it I am not intelligent at least that is how I feel and I would rather stop lying about who I am and be the poor little faggot kid who lives in the rundown trailer park that is roach infested and full of holes and no hot water heater or shower. I am not this intelligent man who is off beat in his sense of humor pretending that he is intellectual and knows what is what and has class and all that stupid shit. I am just a failure and I am going to live as a failure. And be proud that I will probably just be a low level manager-type and nothing great. I should be grateful that I have come as far as I have and not ask for more.

add on

I don’t think traveling will do me good infact I have traveled and usually feel uncomfortable I have been honest with my self and realize that I am xenophobic and honestly hate people I have not once been lead to believe that humanity is worth a damn and feel that most people do not deserve to be on this planet—my self included—that does not mean that I want to commit suicide because of my belief that the punishment would be you would have to immediately come back to this world that I hate so much. I really do not like humanity I feel higher education is pointless and a waste of time and that we were better off being “stupid” primates in the jungle.

AASU is vile pig vomit

I will explain more about what this post really means but some of you might already know.


I can’t go on this Estonia trip because the window for getting a regular passport is too close also it would cost too much to try and get an expedited passport. Dr. Arens did not mention the passport situation when I first signed up for the trip he only told me about the passport a week before spring break I thought getting a passport was like getting your drivers license and didn’t not know how much and what kind of hassle it was to get one. That is my stupid American Ignorance. And even if I could go and be guaranteed a job and have all my Maslow needs met I don’t think I would be in the proper psychological mind frame. The thought of that country now leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and the whole study abroad program can kiss my ass. I will never speak highly of that program and/or the program director. I now have to come up with a way to pay 1000 dollars for a ticket that I will probably never use and hate always. So if I did use it I would despise the flight be in a sour mood and probably use it within the continental United States which then would end up being an overprice ticket that I would have to pay a penalty anyways to use this whole thing is just another piece of bullshit that I have to deal with in a sea of bullshit the seratonin high I received from getting a job getting paid 10 an hour with a guarantee of 25 hours minimum in a bright positive atmosphere (no matter how superficial) where when I leave I smell good and not like lard fat and sweat, has been blown by the d I receive earned (yes I earned it not really proud of that little fact) and this nightmare that now I call Estonia.I hate Armstrong Atlantic State University I hate the faculty that live in a rarified realm out of touch with the reality of common (the great unwashed as one professor [who shall remain nameless] called us) every day citizens busting their ass trying to hold down a job and pay bills and I am now considering dropping out of college because I now realize that an higher education is actually worthless I have been placed under Managers who have minimal intelligent making more than me because they have experience and not some out dated degree from a low level GEORGIA UNIVERSITY that prides it self on being the fucking pirates I don’t want to walk down the aisle and receive the degree from this university that now leaves vile in the pit of my stomach.

I am Depressed--seriously--so I started to write and here it is!

Depression is cold, isolating, and terribly, terribly boring except for the bits about suicide, so thought Essie, who was in a depressive state herself. With the sunshing through her bedroom window and the damn birds chirping she thought about how ridiculous it was to be depressed, thinking about suicide on such a gorgeous day.
Spring had come too soon. It was early march and St. Patrick's day grew ever so closer. Savannah, the self proclaimed hostess city of the south, had fully prepared for the annual Green holiday. Essie looked at her green beads with its shamrock pendant hanging on the closet door. Her and Robert were suppose to go to the Parade with friends and then go get drunk on dollar beer at one of the local pubs. That was before Robert had run off with his boyfriend to New Orleans.
"Savannah isn't gay enough for Mark and me. NOLA post-Katrina feels right especially with the low crime rate" Essie want to add a bit about no gay bashing but feared the repurcussions.