It has been a while

Just like my title says it has been a while since I last wrote in here. I have gone to San Fransico, gotten a second job, and as of today have started school again. I am excited to be back in a class room, learning, and am amazed at how when in high school I wanted nothing to do with school but during that time I was lying about who I was. Which was more than just a matter of lying about being gay and hiding it from people and staying low on the radar so you won't get beaten up by the school bully, it was about lying about my soul and when you lie about your soul you give away parts of your soul-- you let those parts disappear and when you stop lying it takes awhile to gain those parts of you back. Since I have been in Savannah these past 5 years (yes as of the new year it has been five years) I have always been out and honest to people I meet and unapologetically so yet I am still retrieving parts of my soul that I lost in Lumberton (my home town) and it is hard because when you are searching for a passion in your life and a direction to go in you have to be honest with yourself and for 18+ years I was deceitful to myself and to others. This wasn't how I intended this journal entry to go but this is how it is.

And when you are honest with yourself you no longer can do the things (that were harmful to your soul) that you use too, not as freely and haphardly as you did in the past. And if you do do a bad thing, you pay the consequences faster, harder, and meaner than before.

Just something I learned